AUGUST 8, 2014

                                               Bonita slept over last night.
                                                It was perfect.
I really needed it.
Just a girl, whose known me for 8 years, whose seen all angles of me, good and bad.
For this girl, BEAUTIFUL girl- I might add; to lay with me and reminisce.
It makes life seem easier.
           More do-able.

As we giggle, stoned, over the various inside jokes or hilarious acid trips we had; time slows.
The song playing seems perfect.
The next spliff already rolled....

I can't say the night didn't have it's share of awkward moments.

From Corrine (a.k.a Summer-Tyme) coming in, naked - whiz and coked out of her mind; announcing her next booking is here,
OR me saying // telling her a personal story of my prostitution adventures - only to tell it, see an odd look come over her face - and wonder if I said too much.

I always say too much.
It's sick, but I like the reaction off people.
I remember one time being in rehab;
all the chairs in a circle, each chair sat a shivering addict.
Bored, waiting for the lecture on how to get my life back to begin, i started peeling the skin on my hands.
The combination of taking a shower for the first time in months and my slight egizama had my skin peeling off in big chunks.
The person next to me was obviously just as bored because she watched me in fascination.
She finally leaned in to ask me what was wrong, motioning towards my hands.
I don't know why but I looked her right in the eyes and said,
"I have AIDS".
I don't have AIDS. 
I just wanted to see what she would do or say.

Panic came over her face.
She didn't say anything. She just looked really embarrassed.
By the time the next group started (Relapse Prevention), everyone in the rehab thought I had full blown AIDS....

So when I say too much, or I'm too honest;
and a look comes over the person if front of me...
The question, "Am I disgusting?" comes over me.
I suddenly question everything.

Bonita probably didn't even make a face.
This is all in my head.
This is all psychological.
I love myself.
I love this line of work.
I love Summer - Tyme. 
I didn't always love myself, but 3 months of Ibogaine tripping in Mexico made it possible.

Bonita has been a best friend of mine for almost 8 years.
I know she loves me, and as I pass her the spliff, I look into her eyes and I can see that love.

And the giggling starts all over....